Don't forget...

Today I was sitting with the little man watching one of his ghost shows and there happened to be a little boy with autism on the show. The little boy on the show was non-verbal and he was very intrigued. Little man knows he has autism...we've never hid that fact from him. It is not an excuse. It is not a crutch. It is a fact of our lives and we deal with it and move on. We don't have any other option.


So he asks me,"Why doesn't he talk? I have autism and I can talk." So I talked to him about how, for a very long time, he didn't talk either and it was very hard because we didn't know what he wanted or needed. I also told him how very proud we were of all of the hard work he had done (hours and hours of therapy...for years!) and how he had done amazing things and that some people weren't sure if he would ever talk. That made him happy. Which, of course, made momma happy!


Then I asked if he remembered when he wasn't able to talk. The kid has a memory like an elephant...he seriously remembers stuff that I don't...minute details of things that happened years ago. Even things from a time in his life that he probably shouldn't remember...like stuff from when he was an infant. Creepy and amazing at the same time.  He sat there for a minute and said, "Yeah, I remember...it was bad. I didn't like it. I don't want to talk about this. All you want to do is talk, talk, talk!" Haha! Emotions and junk like that stress the poor kid out! Ok, ok! I know when to stop!


I'm not sure how I feel about the fact that he remembers that time of his life. I guess there is a part of me that  kind of wishes he didn't remember...it was such a hard, stressful time in his life and as his momma I want to protect him. I know how hard it was on Jeff and I...I can imagine how hard it was on him. It is not something I care to do again, but going through it made us the family we are today. But then I don't want to discount it and sweep it under the rug like it never happened. It was hard...soooo hard, but  I guess it is good that he remembers. He's come such a long way...and it's always good to remember where you've come from...where you've been... and where you're going.

Why we are adopting.

Once upon a time, in a small town in southeast Kansas, a little girl was watching 20/20.....


And that little girl saw something that changed her life. It was a story about orphanages in Russia and it was heartbreaking. Never in her 12 years had she ever seen anything so sad. So heartbreakingly horrible. So wrong. After spending the hour sobbing and using up a box of tissues, she begged and pleaded with her mother to please, please, PLEASE  can we adopt a baby from Russia?!? But her mother simply said, "That's not my thing." And the little girl was crushed, because she knew it was her thing. And she vowed,  that one day, she would adopt...


27 years later that dream is coming true!


The thing about that particular show that really got to me was the children with disabilities. They put them in cribs and simply walked away. These children would rock and cry and no one would ever come. No one came to wipe their tears, change their diaper, feed them when they were hungry, rock them to sleep. No one loved them.  But I did.


Our son is more  "disabled" than our girls...he struggles more, has more "issues". (I really hate calling him disabled....he's just differently abled. Diff-abled? Maybe? I'll keep working on that! He rocks it, whatever you call it!)  You wouldn't believe it if you saw him now, but years ago he was very, severely autistic. He had no speech, stimmed constantly, screamed, grunted, hit, bit, spit, rocked, hand flapped...it was really bad. But through a TON of work on his part and therapy and specialists and doctors, he has turned into who he is supposed to be and not for one moment would I change any of that struggle. It has made us who we are as a family. It has made our girls empathetic to a fault and made them not see what the rest of the world sees, but what is on the inside. It has made my husband an awesome father. It has made me a patient mother. The thought that in another country, or even another time in our country, he would have been locked away in an institution... it makes me sick. He would have never had the chance to grow and bloom and turn in to this awesome little man that EVERYONE loves! These precious children are considered animals in some countries.  Children like MY children.  Break my heart for what breaks yours...well, God...I'm broken. 


I have always been one to root for the underdog. I have always had a heart for the unwanted, the unlovable, the broken, and of course any stray dog or cat in a 40 mile radius.(NOTE: I am NOT comparing children or adults with special needs to unwanted, broken underdogs...I have 4 children with special needs. Don't go there, cause you won't win!).  Growing up in a rural farming community, children with special needs were kept apart from the "normal" children.   We had a group of special needs children that were bused into our school and the only time that we would "interact" with them would be during lunch. They sat separately from us at a  table that only they were allowed to sit at. I remember stealing glances (and getting cuffed in the head for staring) at them...I was so drawn to them. I always hated that there was only a handful of them and they were always alone. I hate that I never asked them their names. I hate that we weren't allowed to get to know them. As the years went by I would find myself drawn to children and adults with special needs. Especially those with Down Syndrome. And let me tell you, people think you are a creep if you are staring at their kid. Trust me. I think the same thing when people stare at my kids (but that is usually because one of them is having a HUGE meltdown because they didn't have the Lego he so desperately needed because then his life would be complete...but hey...not naming any names...he knows who he is!). I  really wasn't trying to be hateful. I wasn't gawking or trying to make anyone uncomfortable. I wasn't staring because of their difference, I was staring because I wanted to know them. 


I have a huge group of friends that I love dearly. I met them while volunteering with an organization called Best Buddies (Look it up and then start helping! NOW! Best. Organization. EVER.). Most of these mom's  have children with DS. They are awesome women and I love how they have taken me in and made me one of them.  I know that when our little one makes it home, I can call on any one of them, at any time, with questions. The fact that I have stumbled upon this community of women and already have this awesome built-in support system for our child with DS,  has got to be a God thing.


 Our family was meant to adopt a child. We plan to adopt a child with Down Syndrome. I've known it since I was a little girl and watched that horrible piece on 20/20.  I don't know if our child is coming domestically or internationally. I don't know if our child is an infant or a 3 year old. What I do know is that my life has been completely blessed by having my own children with special needs.  I know this life isn't all sunshine and rainbows and sparkly unicorn poop  lollipops. It's a scary and lonely place. People don't understand, you loose friends, family, sometimes even your spouse. It's a long, hard journey. But you know what? I don't care. All of the struggles and the journey that sometimes feels like life has taken a back road...I love it. Jeff and I have made it through some really rough stuff, but we've made it, we still love each other and can still laugh about it. This is who we were meant to be and what we were meant to do. Nothing phases us now. Not even a meltdown on aisle 4.

My very first blog post....EVER!

So my husband convinced me to start a blog. Yes! Let's blame Jeff! My favorite game! He was all like...you are so witty and clever, such a great writer (he's still sucking up for me helping him with some papers while getting his Masters), you have great ideas...blah, blah, blah, BLECH! But then he pulled THE card. The "It's such a good way to document and remember funny stuff the kids said or did"card. I caved. Evil genius No, gonna stick with that....evil genius, that man. And because I know y'all want to live vicariously through me! Right???


So yeah, that did it. I'm always complaining that I forget so much about the kids and their childhood. I mean, surely I bathed them when they were little! And I know that I had to have taken them to the park a few times....I honestly can't remember small details like that any more. Maybe I will blame it on the genetic brain disorder, or the thyroid disease, or constant insomnia or the fact that I have given birth to 4 children....one the size of a small calf. I usually try and post funny little stories about the kids on FB, but it is fairly annoying to go back through and find them. Sooooo, the perfect way to remember it. Blog it!


So here it is in all of its disturbing glory! I never wanted to put our family out there for people to pick apart. I mean, what if someone says something mean? I'll cry. Okay, so I cry over commercials and stray dogs. It's not my best trait.


 I'll warn you now...it may be messy, or crazy, and definitely a little lame. I tend to ramble and am easily distracted by shiny things. Oh and did I mention the sarcasm? I could post daily or once every 93 days. I just don't know. But it could be pretty cool. I guess we will see.


We have a fairly unique story....4 children all with a genetic brain disorder that affects them all differently. Our kids have a glorious plethora of initials to stick behind their names and not one of them have even started college yet! Autism, ADHD, OCD, sensory processing disorder, apraxia, dyslexia, memory issues, sleep issues, speech impairment/delay....but wait, there's more! You name it, we probably have it! And the more different and rare, the better!  Our neurologist says we hit the brain disorder lottery! Woo hoo! AND we are in the early stages of adopting a child with Down Syndrome! Which honestly has been a dream of mine since I was a little girl. I'm so stinkin' excited, it isn't even funny! I mean, how often does a dream come true??? Squee!  MUCH, much more on that subject later!


The evil genius My husband and I learned long ago that you must laugh and have sense of humor about raising kids with special needs. My motto is if you don't laugh, you'll cry. It is our coping mechanism. It has kept our marriage strong and our children well adjusted and still alive happy. See....there it is. Haha! Honestly though, our kids are awesome. And amazing. And beautiful. And exactly how God intended them to be. We are truly blessed.




And so it begins....I'm already rambling! Thanks for reading my VERY FIRST BLOG POST and not laughing too hard. Remember I cry easily...